Sabado, 18/03/06

Of course, the thing is that I’ve known the answers all along, and I really didn’t need to come down to Guatemala to find them out, but maybe I did need to get away from home to reaffirm them and make sure I wasn’t off track. Of course knowing the answers doesn’t mean I can tell them, because that of course is the problem with language and communication in general…it’s only understood when it’s understood and then of course its pointless, except for the fact that we all like feeling that somebody understands us.

That said, life’s too short to spend any of it doing things that are not fulfilling, and while we might not be able to put our finger on what things are fulfilling, we know them when we do them and that’s all we need.

Love is imperative, and while we have no real control over whether others love us, we can allow ourselves to love others and practice opening ourselves to the love others offer. Remember, love is the good stuff___ love is the connection and the part that reminds you that we’re in this together… it is the awareness of our unity. All that painful heartache, loneliness and jealousy stuff is just fear and insecurity that we’ve been told has something to do with love, but in fact simply stands in love’s way.

There is an obligation to relationship. The easy way out is not always the most rewarding. There is a debt you owe yourself and the people you love, that cannot be shirked without loss of connection

A Violent response to a violent action has never solved a problem. I know some of you contentious types out there might be tempted to offer up examples of self defense and military aggression___ but I’ll repeat, a violent response to a violent action has never solved a problem___ at the most it has, kept the potential victim alive while turning him into a practitioner of violence and has left the problem unscathed, maybe even a bit more complex and expanded, but certainly not solved.

You cannot love and be selfish at the same time.

Money cannot buy happiness.

Living beyond your means causes anxiety.

Possessions often entrap us

We have choices about how we live.

Someday, we don’t know when, we’re each going to die. It would be silly to arrive at that day, look back and realize we have wasted our time.

Time is life’s commodity… that’s what we have, and we have it in a tragically short supply.

Clearly, beauty, like love, exists… it might be difficult to define, but we know it when we allow ourselves to see it… and if it didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be able to perceive it.

The real trick is to continually remember to notice the beauty… it takes practice and time and continual upkeep… the worst thing about meaningless employment is that too often it makes us too rushed to focus on the beauty around us. Even the most fulfilling employment can, if we’re not careful, distract us from seeing the beauty.

If read with insight, even the cheesiest of trash fiction can hold inspiring themes.

There’s more, but that’s enough for tonight. I’m not telling you people this, I’m just typing it out here to remind myself… it’s so easy to forget these things in the moment… and in the moment is when we need them most.

When I feel like I do tonight, I can’t imagine ever having a problem again… even though I know of course I will… maybe.

Domingo 19/03/06

Another weekend over, but I still haven’t even been here three weeks… the time seems to be flying, but it’s really going gloriously slowly.

Woke up early this morning but lazed in bed until almost 8. then I wrote some emails, and headed off to find some breakfast. I revisited the place from last Sunday, wanting to try the spinach omelet that I’d missed out on the first time. I did and it was good, but I think maybe the huevos rancheros that I wound up with by default last week was better. Maybe I’ll try it again next weekend.

After breakfast I walked to jocotenango, which is not too far away and watched the start of the procession, which was great because I got to see all the alfombras (I think that’s the word) the sawdust and flower carpets that the procession walks over. They were pretty cool, and not only did I get to see them, but I also got to see the process because some of them along the route were still being made as I was walking there. They start off with regular sawdust, which they sift out into squared off sections of ground (framed by boards. Then, over the plain sawdust they sprinkle colored sawdust for the background, and then finally they put down ornately cut stencils and sprinkle colored sawdust on that, removing the stencil carefully at the end. The result is remarkable. And then a little while later, along comes the procession and walks right through it. Boy, there’s a message there somewhere, I’ll let you find it. I’m very glad I got to watch. I took photos, I’ll add them here if they turned out.

I didn’t stick around too long because the sun was hot and I’m still a little burned from Friday at the hotsprings. So I came home, took a shower (refreshingly cool) and then did my homework. Later I took a walk, checked my email, wound up at café no sé for a beer. Listened to a little music there, one guy had a great stand up base made out of tin__ pretty neat.

That’s about all that’s worth mentioning I think.

I wrote the following reminders to myself on a notecard in from my pocket as I walked along today___ this is as good a place as any to transcribe them.

We are each as lucky as we perceive ourselves to be.

Life is as fair as we allow it to be.

Each of us, within our unique, limiting boundaries, have unlimited opportunity.

Nothing new there, I remember talking to ann about the first one almost twenty years ago, and to max about the third about ten years ago. The second one is just sort of an addendum/corollary, to the same old fairness statement from 1990. but it’s good to keep them in mind.

Several years ago, susan introduced me to a friend of hers named swami j, he was a nice guy and I enjoyed the one conversation I had with him. Occasionally susan would forward his newsletter to me, when she felt it would speak to some interest of mine. Eventually, I became a subscriber and I receive his frequent emailings. I admit, I seldom bother to read them, but I never throw them away… just in case, you know. Often when I do read them I appreciate the insight he offers. Anyway, today I happened to read the one he had emailed out, and it reiterates very clearly some of my recent thoughts. I was very pleased to have the affirmation of somebody else saying it. I’ll paste it below. Thanks swami j. oh now that I look closely, it turns out that it wasn’t written by swami j, but he is the one who shared it and that’s what counts. His website bytheway is (not surprisingly) http://swamij.com/

From: Perennial Psychology of the Bhagavad GitaBy Swami RamaACTIONS, REWARDS AND SINGING SONGS OF JOY

The human being alone has the gift of judgement, discrimination, and decision. Every action has its consequent effect, and the fruition of the action is ordinarily perceived as either a reward or a punishment. But one can choose to make a loving offering of the fruits of his actions for the benefit of others. Then one performs his actions skillfully, selflessly, and lovingly, offering the fruits of his actions for the sake of humanity. Thus he is constantly praying. Such prayer is actual prayer; it is not at all like the prayer of egotistical prople.Most people are motivated to do actions for the sake of receiving rewards. Attachment to rewards is a deep-rooted habit. Most people do not understand how to be selfless. Such human beings are rajasic. Reward-oriented people are very selfish. They suffer and they make others suffer. Perhaps that is one reason that the best of people have retreated to forest dwellings wondering, "Why do human beings still behave like animals?" After intensive self-study those great ones devised practical methods for transforming humanity, and they gave us their wisdom through the scriptures.Suffering comes when one is interested in reward. If one performs actions expecting rewards, he is bound to receive the fruits of his actions. The fruits then motivate him to do more actions, and in this way he finds himself caught in the whirlpool of life, never content, always seeking more and more for himself and ignoring or using others for his own gain. Actions done for reward thus create bondage. One becomes a slave to rewards in much the same way that the rat in scientific experiments becomes a slave to the pellet box, performing those actions that bring him a token of reinforcement. But there is a way to attain release from such enslavement: perform your duties skillfully and selflessly without attachment to reward. Then you will be free, a mukta traveling and singing the songs of joy without cares or fears.

Lunes, 20 de marzo

Three weeks as of tonight. Three weeks ago right now, I was at the coffeeshop with tim and denise. Shortly I would’ve been tying up last minute loose ends with michelle, then off to dinner, and finally to the airport with aliza. The time since then has flown by, but that evening seems like a lifetime ago.

I’m kinda tired this evening. Woke up kinda early and I think the cumulative build up of Spanish information is wearing on me. There are so many things I’ve got partially memorized, but need to stay on top of and drill into my longterm memory. It’s a lot to do.

I sent and received email in record time today. I seem to have lucked into a good connection in the park and was in and out in a matter of minutes, although in my excitement, I neglected to make a chess move, but I guess it can wait until tomorrow.

After the park, I came back here and did my homework. It took me almost two hours, so I’m glad I got it out of the way early. As a reward for my efforts, I went back to the park, bought myself an ice cream cone and then went to café no sé for a beer.

I stopped off for a little browsing at the market and bought some dinner. Headed home and have been relaxing ever since.

In moments of clarity I feel rejuvenated and ready to return to the united states and start the rest of my life. Those moments come and go though. Nevertheless, that’s pretty good for only three weeks, there’s lots more time for psychological and emotional preparation.

I believe my sight can improve upon even my recollected but lost childhood eyes… is it possible to take the best of youthful simplicity and trust and meld it with the insight of experience? I think it might be… it’ll take a good deal of letting go though.