lunes, 22 de mayo,

still in xela, and I really like it here. this is the perfect place for riding out the end of my trip, it’s better than I could’ve hoped. it’s a perfect sized town / city, it’s easy to get around and has wonderful places to hang out in – good cafés, restaurants and a great central plaza. there is an internet place across the street, so I don’t have to walk far with my laptop, not that it seems like there’s any threat of crime that I’ve noticed. I think I’ll stick around here through next weekend and then head back to Guatemala city for the last few days before I leave – maybe I’ll swing through Antigua, but it seems likely I’ll probably blow it off in favor of the capital.

I’ve been getting quite a bit of work done here. I’ve transcribed an odd collection of travel notes, I’ll include them here, more for my own sake than because I imagine they’ll be of much interest, or have much significance to anybody but me… but if I put them here, they’re safe from getting lost, the internet is a good place to back things up, you know. maybe a little more interesting… or at least maybe a bit more entertaining are a handful of incomplete nursery rhymes that I began when I was still in Antigua, but then got distracted from and forgot about until I went back through my paper scraps.

here are some photos, I haven’t been taking a lot since I’ve been here, partly because I keep forgetting to bring my camera with me, partly because it’s been raining a lot, but anyway, I’ll put what I’ve got here and then follow them with the transcriptions.

______________________________________________

violence-history of ethics - looking into the future

love-considering the existence of love

the environment/ecology-and management of the planet

economy-new economy-favors-creative non- consuming. do for the sake of doing/giving

for the environment do abstracted landscapes – sidewalks

there seems like there was a 4th thing … religion? politics?


birth-violence (?)

most of the images of violence are masculine-consider feminine violence

gentle rain
several walks
south of park – photo
north of school (town name?)
bookstore-free book
homework/laundry
read in park
updated website
bar one-and-a-half for me – 16 + 8? 12 +8?
precious notecards

satellite tv must’ve changed the third world much more dramatically and revolutionarily than it did the first-digital everything

music: kings of leon

I guess it feels like vacation because there’s nothing I have to do.

focus on spanish-practice as much as you can stand
locate wifi
locate bookstore
buy sandals

color, love, hope, time

beauty, love, hope/security/comfort, time

beauty – love – time - security/comfort

what is the relationship between love and beauty?

what is the relationship between love and happiness?

reassess what love is and what beauty is-start from scratch: do they exist? reaffirm your faith.

remember that love is not the only priority or even the highest priority for some (many)… security, comfort, freedom, others?

consider the role of relationship – connection – what is the link between love and relationship?

is the division/separation between rich and poor greater here than in the first world? I think it is… what are the numbers

terrell’s show is happening right now march 4, 2006. who’s the there? - I really miss them if I let myself.

check that wireless address again.

blog about today before bagel barn tomorrow.

verbs will really expand my options for speaking-the grammar will come.

bars are pretty much the same everywhere.

as far as foreign bars go, I think I prefer the ones in cincinnati

the first world has been here (guatemala) since before it was the first world-spain may have been a late comer… or an early one.

every situation has a correct response
-being big about unmet expectations
-being decisive about painting and livelihood
-taking charge arbitrarily and as necessary

sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it.
-american beauty

write and research while preparing the canvases.

buy a camera
go to nova color
store stuff

portraits – historical portraits from paintings and photos-use imagination/license-take liberties

consider dream violence

look to sidewalks or compositional insights

bodies can be unrecognizable shapes – amorphic/biomorphic/abiomorphic(?)

blood can be a shape or color-as can weapon, ocean, mother, mountain, travel, death, love, kill, animal, bomb

remain aware of the things that have lasting value/significance/import –and those that are merely momentary

- momentary or immediate pleasure is good and important to enjoy – but it pales alongside of it the eternal… ongoing/continuing/longterm/lifelong.

if we leap too far or too quickly from our worldview (comfort zone) then we risk insanity.

pondering death
pondering distance-foreign cultures
pondering loss of love, loneliness, alienation
pondering nature of reality

change early work pages

strive to tell the complete truth / to know the complete truth – not hiding from unwanted truths… not limiting self by prejudism or fear

I walked so far but found myself so near where I started – almost didn’t need to go at all.

design/make (plaster?) capitals and columns for studio, with faces on four sides

pay attention to the news for painting subjects.
april 17 tel aviv bombing story had interesting title potential- can you focus on one day’s news? probably too narrow.

there’s no way or need to pass judgment on violence. you’re not trying to judge it, you’re trying to understand it … but towards the end of doing away with it? hmmmm – or simply in consideration of it? … why do we do this? why self-destruct? self hate?

complex shapes with incorporated lines, but not necessarily “out”lines

do a series on paper

try out ebay

consider relationship between sex and violence
love/sex is similar to love/violence

consider nature of emotions – do web search what studies have been done? emotion and neurology… how does it work?

how does war fit into our evolving paradigm? how do we view enemies… what has changed since ww2? consider sports fans’ enthusiasm for their teams success – what leads to that?

are we growing into our christianity? are we evolving toward a christian communism?

there was a time when the evilness of strangers was believed in. is that still the case or is it changing? bush says the terrorists are evil-doers… they say bush is the great satan

what else? drive home

work from photos, reproductions or life. move outside of head.

write without organization.

empty basket

look up history of violence
search psychology of violence
cain and abel
goya cover
hastings
troy
north africa cartoons (dutch)
civil war
assassinations series-caesar, abraham lincoln, king, etc. remember becket – martyrs

write up specific acts of violence-not just war, also crime.

july august september october-cincinnati

clouds often make the sunset.

look on-line for jobs/grants/apts

there are some who make decisions, but don’t make the right decisions. decisiveness alone is not enough… but of course it does get you started.

sex in and of itself is a rarely worth the trouble - love however, always is… what about relationship – closer to love…is there a difference in that sense?

I’m ready to start living again.

youthful hubris>icarus fall> pinnacle of indecision then back down the other side. sisyphus metaphor?

it’s ok to make money - the trouble is in having false (unrealistic) expectations for what the money can do - bring happiness/solve problems – (non financial)

remember to cover goya

the series could go from linearly representational to less so (less literal, more abstracted, less recognizable) the progression can be more clear through the cohesion of the group – more and more abstracted versions of similar themes.

bounce back and forth between historical to present(?)

art project – put padlocks on things

locked/unlocked?

so much of my work
is done it in the morning
between sleeping and waking (rising)
while I’m still in bed.

cain and abel
the straw that broke the bactrian back
the danish cartoons
trace it back to the war - and further to the wtc
the camel’s inch that led to the mile

in order to return to venice I need to find love and livelihood.
travel to guatemala and cincinnati and maybe ithaca or elsewhere might just be flings before settling down with a return to venice - or maybe they are my version of striking it rich metaphor – the reverse of going west, or searching for treasure.

cable station idea -watergate hearings

how far away from violence am I? how would I react if threatened? how soon would I turn to violence in the face a perceived personal danger? how much of my pacifism is symptomatic of my privileged state of personal security?

page 34 costain – conquering family
degree of suffering determines success of king – “due to suffering he brought to his people” - hence good leader alleviates suffering - basis for appraisal.


too often we choose the fulfillment of immediate needs over long-term needs which ultimately leads to loneliness and hollowness.

big picture
environment/global warming

in every relationship times arise when the choice to take the easy way out must be balanced by the more difficult, and possibly risky way that has the potential, if not the promise, to eventually pay off.


too many options make life complicated, and yet the key (one of them?) to fulfillment is recognizing and acting on one’s options-with attention and coherence to your values. seems catch-22ish - but let me think it out.


violence? what are we school children?

I wonder if these conversations I overhear are the same that were spoken 80 years ago in paris.

burger king crowns


janis joplin is singing now and it reminds me of juliana and le carrousel patisserie … could that have been 17 years ago? twice her lifetime

I’m so far away but it really doesn’t seem far away, is that because it’s the same continent?

janis also reminds me of carla

I must e-mail to juliana and carla and alex

is it the discontentedness of others that I perceive? or is it my own? am I really as content as I perceive myself to be? as contented as I pretend to be? I think I mostly am… but I’m so gullable, you know.

everything is happier in color

sculptures, there must be sculptures.

what is the dehumanizing factor that invades the psyche of world leaders?

there must be a separate sense of ethics/morality that comes into play when the responsibility is with the big picture rather than with the individual.

so many people dying needlessly. is there an alternative to suffering and unnecessary death?

a lack of options is at the root of global inequality
but are those options relevant? in los angeles the difficulty is having too many options-like oil painting ~ there are always an infinity of possibilities even within the most narrowly defined parameters (system). – and yet the perception of limitation, inequality, oppression breeds discontent.

is art an appropriate method?

what can art accomplish? is there better way/medium? is it possible to provide hope? realistic hope/believable hope-not just good enough for the gullible and ignorant masses, but something that can actually be believed by rational-minded children of the scientific/digital/information age?

what brings about violence?

my immediate thought is that it is fear-driven. I think also there is a related anger, deep-seeded, and rooted in an awareness of injustice… there’s insecurity, self-righteousness, learned values/experience, religion and paradigm – what is learned and what is ingrained from evolution… what can be changed/overcome?

-perhaps life is not fair after all-could this be true? I don’t know, I need to take a closer look at values.

______________

I’m at café no se listing to lou reed waiting for his man

nope/yep

can I make an illustrated book? will that do it?-I must market it - there must be an audience!

now nico is singing femme fatale. I bummed a cigarillo – it’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever smoked-I’m drinking a victoria cerveza -it’s good, just ordered another

xwhat if I illustrated the bible, along side of an illustrated history of western civilization? alongside an illustrated study of classical literature?-could that do it? somehow look at the progression to the present with an intent to try to perceive the inertial possibilities leading into future developments


the questions that must be asked are -does violence work? and if so when?

does it appear to work because it so starkly and recognizably affects the short term?


one pretty flower
fallen to the deck
forgotten

one
pretty flower fallen
to the floor
forgotten


buy program manuals
buy camera
look into grants
look into ebay
do small drawings for show
work on book


plan paintings ahead of time
maybe practice on paper/computer

play around a lot with color combinations
keep individual paintings simple-maybe two or three colors plus black, but then vary that and have more complicated compositions-aim for great variance


carl somebody angry about jill rice
bill reynolds-no girl, but kelly pytel and mary o’neill later
dave maynard angry about chris lasco
charlie moushey and I got into a couple of fights-no recollection of reason.
I used to hit tim when I was ten(ish) and frustrated by inability to be heard - is that why I speak loudly?

I broke the dorm room phone, upset after a fight with debbie
I threw a painting through the window during a fight with juliana


work in the idea of (the wrongness of) forcefully imposing one’s will on another.
look for violent acts that are looked at as historically benign – columbus’s ok, but a little easy. .. richard lionheart is better … who else?

what about films? are there quotes? fight club?

research atrocities in general-in guatemala, in particular-allow mayan methods to influence - particularly ceramic paintings

think about violent shapes/colors also about threatening/acquiescent/vulnerable

rachel carson-violence of sea/nature ~ or if not that, look at her method of citing particular examples - lots of potential for brief citings of (perhaps) instances of historical and contemporary violence-let the reader/viewer draw conclusions

can the theme move beyond consideration of violence?

what’s the medieval image of aristotle and wife?-1997 horizontal drawings
are there other instances/images of female violence? texas depression murders – drownings / amputations?

where in the old brain is violence buried? what did jung say? what about other psychologists?

considere battle diagram as painting - compare with football play

clearly there is no way to overcome violence any time soon - and would it be right to do so, if we could? is there a positive side, or need for violence?

I just killed a bug (april 25th 2006 ) on my arm, didn’t even check to see if it was a mosquito-felt like an ant. it wasn’t really violence-more negligence.

other than cain and abel – are there biblical/literary/mythological instances?

look for history of barbed wire – when did it move from ranch to urban security?

what about all the barbed wire and razor wire and guatemala? can that be a title?

variety

the thing about including words is that it allows for greater abstraction in the image.

also, variance within group of recognizable to abstract allows for more freedom in image.

genghis vs. kublai – was each as cruel? what about chin(?) which was the paranoid violent one?

consider how often violence has worked for individual/short term.

who said he who lives by the sword dies by it

there is more truth in a sword than in a thousand words

search for quotes on violence (and swords)

not everybody wants to solve a conflict
not everybody values peace over violence

remember joel thoreson – violence fantasies – find those drawings

quilts/tapestries

download fleetwood mac-tusk

thatch roofed shelters, like shaggy multi-legged mammoths wading in the shallows.

bright red rooster just across the lagoon.

can violence marry with pretty colors? I think pastels must be used but used sparingly. play with neutrals.

I’ve had a couple dreams now about somebody trying to take this pen. that’s very strange to me.

the closed door
of my heart
is locked
from the inside

the closed door
of my heart
is blackened
from fire

the closed door
of my heart
opens easily
on well oiled hinges

(opens reluctantly
on rusted hinges)

consider relationships between triangles and circles

patterned costumes - armor?

murder/assassination paintings
martyrs - sebastian, catherine

spreading democracy is the new version of spreading christianity. remember that spreading christianity (by spaniards) was really looking for gold, just like the spread of democracy masks (and facilitates) the pursuit of oil … and the spreading of corporate control.

look at culturally accepted things that have changed (become no longer acceptable - what has led us to this? if violence as a potential cannot be overcome, to what extent can it be done away with as an actuality?

are there different kinds of violence? i.e. calculated vs. passionate

delta = change; because it’s pointy like a weapon?

choose historical and literary events - when possible, find visual sources. write factual non-biased accounts. do studies for paintings. paint.
-also, look for contemporary events. use similar methods to develop paintings
-do studies on paper, a size compatible with scanner-display behind glass

just think - what is the best environment for thinking?
-it’s not just a matter of time, it’s also one of opportunity
-it’s also a matter of access to information, materials, and communication

many people simply don’t know what to do-they simply wait, do enough and … may be doing nothing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be … maybe it’s only valuable when it is chosen as an alternative to the societal pressure to do something … and as a countermeasure to too much something-doing.

poverty is lack of opportunity more than lack of wealth.

I wonder what that girl in the restaurant was writing yesterday.

grizzlies enjoying a bath
elephant doing an amazing balance beam walk
snakes, black swans, flamingos, llamas, water buffalo

puma preoccupied with children on other side of fence.


love/sex/violence-these are things connected with strong emotions/insanity

consider the importance despite the risks of allowing these insanities

can we allow only the constructive elements while eliminating the negative ones?

eve’s guilt and shame over the loss of eden is analogous to the despair I felt from monster dream – the losing of everything, suddenly, not having realized that it was had or that it could be lost – and through a mistake/sin that was not recognized as such – coloring on bedroom wall

use ethnic and art historical sources-look online-look for trans-cultural similarities.

suspended sculptures like marionettes



gonzalo fernandez de oviedo – blood and chocolate

-in meso american thought, hearts of sacrificial victims were conceived (depicted) as cacao pods-implying an analogy between blood and chocolate beverages.

-originally the spaniards did not like the taste of cacao beverages and found the “abundant foam that smeared the lips repulsive”-eventually with the addition of sugar cacao became popular.

jaguar with maize, on head appears frequently on vertical pedestal sculptures.

try doing papier-mache relief on panel

very simple paintings flat orange with red figure outlined with black and maybe some black decorations-consider this when painting.

on his transit to death, the maize god rides a canoe manned by paddler gods. under the canoe the god emerges as a child from maw of an aquatics monster. elsewhere two beautiful women are dressing and adoring him.

do cover versions based following descriptions:

young and attractive woman with an elaborate headdress

enthroned lord with warrior headdresss and shield

copador bowl with monkeys, regarded as patrons of the arts in meso america


I watch a blue butterfly appear and disappear with each gentle flap of its wings

derek jensen-the culture of make believe

mirador –

make opportunities fearlessly.
see the opportunities to create more opportunities.
remember the exponential increase of acquaintances in 1986.

for all practical purposes, water is immortal-well ok, I know it’s not alive, but …

this water rushes through semuc champey everyday whether I’m here or not – now that I think of it though, it’s not the same water at all. this could be the only time that most of this water will ever do this. think of the the journey each molecule of water has-think of the excitement of leaping down falls and bubbling through rapids -grab life… think of the water that passes through our bodies… that compose our bodies. 500 million years old or something like that.

maybe decorative vessels… material?

also paper pieces-small-display behind glass? maybe 8 and a half by 11

interactive sculpture that allows a viewer to impale it?

embroidery?

dresden codex is a long accordion folded book ornately written and decorated.

jaguar god often appears on funerary urns (symbolizing power of life over death?)

funerary urn with human head, possibly young maize god emerging from mouth of jaguar – another human figure emerges from top of jaguar head. together with vegetal motifs-could represent rebirth of maize god.

funerary urn with young man’s head emerging from bird’s beak.

visual artists have a different relationship to history than musicians and even writers-because of surviving examples.

freestanding painted wooden sculptures-stelae inspired

also, sculpted heads-wood/plaster/cloth-papier-mâché


the recurring theme of loss: eden, anxiety dream, gerri, faith


haruki murakami – wild sheep chase


remember to believe in yourself – that is the lesson – the answer to the crisis of faith – the lost faith wasn’t your faith in god, love, art, beauty, or humanity – it was your faith in yourself…


find a gallery to show paintings in conjunction with a show at terrell’s. maybe also put small pieces at abbot’s. have everything well displayed on website. include writings, and video? book - publicize/promote

paintings
drawings
writings
significant titles
video-interviews
audio-clips
book

proposal
website
referrals

history of violence
psychology of violence
personal vs societal
passionate vs political

evolution-chimps

post world war two american history

search for assassinations, atrocities, violence

consider definition, history, and practice of cruel and unusual punishment.

tv, movies, and video games-is there any believable connection between these and violence? rationale behind ratings system / censorship?

be as fair as possible but don’t shy from opinion and bias-just distinguish fact from viewpoint.

write out the violence interview questions – post them and invite others to submit answers – via video

remember current events and found titles.

what happens to people’s bodies to make them shaped like they are?

start transcribing notes and formulating proposal-get ready for internet tomorrow.

(girl from where)
we laughed and we played
and we cried and laughed
we horsed around
and then we giraffed

I asked her if she’d
please marry me
she just gave me that look
and said, “we’ll see.”


I went insane one night in june
staring in staring at a crescent moon

and then at dawn the sun rose high
and to my moon, I said goodbye

I stood up and stretched and I went to bed
with visions of sugar plums atwirl in my head

I dreamt it was easter, and that I had lied
to the girl that had moved into my left side

I’d told her, you see, that her eyes were pearls
when really, I knew, they were cinnamon swirls

she said that was fine, just as long
as she could see me eat a song

so I sang myself some ice cream and pie
and then ate it all up, and said goodbye

she said, “don’t go, I have your hat.”
and as I looked I noticed that

her eyes were cinnamon, but also pearls
and she was the loveliest of all the girls

so we stayed together and dreamt ‘til noon
but awoke each dusk to stare at the moon.


one morning I awoke in the frozen south
with the strangest taste inside my mouth

so I felt around to see what was there
and what I found was a long blond hair

a pulled it out, but to my surprise
after the hair, I found some of eyes

and then a nose, a mouth, and chin!
they smiled at me and said with a grin

“good morning, and how are you?”
I said I’d be fine in a moment or two

she said that if I would help her up
she’d give me a drink for her golden cup

so I pulled and I pulled as much as I could
and when I had to finished, there she stood

with eyes like sunshine and lips like the rain
that quenches my thirst and eases my pain


I went for a walk and I saw a sight
she was something see, so I thought I might
walk a bit closer and see if she talked
she opened her mouth, but her tongue was locked.

I said, “como estás? and how are you?”
but her mouth just closed and her face turned blue
I ask, “what’s wrong?” but it was plain to see
she could not answer unless I found the key.

I reached deep down into my pants pocket
to try to find a key for her tongue, and unlock it
I found three quetzales, a bottle cap, and a pen
she looked at me curiously, with her mouth open

then I saw a flower growing from the ground
I looked for a gardener, but there was none to be found
so I reached and I picked it from where it had grown
then handed it to her and asked, “are you alone?”

she thanked me gladly and let out a moan.

it started from somewhere in her inside
and when it came out, her eyes opened wide
and then she announced in a voice sweet and pure
I’d never have thought it, but you found the cure


Some have dollars
And some have cents (sense)

some have pounds
And some have pence

Some might wish
For their weight in gold

Some might wish
To never grow old


I knew a man who could not fly
He tried to once, but broke his thigh

They fixed him up in a chair with wheels
And fed him bananas without the peels

After awhile he could walk again
And when I saw him I said, "How've ya been?"

He said, "Not bad, if you must know. "
I said, "That's great, now I must go. " - ( glad to hear it, but I've got to go(?))



I went for a walk with a giant fish
I found a penny and made a wish
I held it in my hand all day
I wished I might then I wished I may
I wish for a love and fame and wealth
Then I wished for leisure and good health


the fish you know, his name was frank
he dove into the ocean and then just sank
you see the thing I have to tell you about him
is that frank, though a fish, just couldn’t swim

so I called for the divers and the parameds
then we called the cops and we called the feds
the firemen came with their hook and ladder
and when they caught him, I couldn’t’ve been gladder.

he sputtered and spat and he heaved and he coughed
and then he cried because his heart was so soft.
he thanked each rescuer one by one
he shook their hands, and when he was done

he said to me, let’s go to a bar
so we walked to one ‘cause I don’t have a car.
when we got to the bar frank sat on a stool
I sat down next to him and asked, “ do you want to shoot pool?”

he said that he didn’t, that he wanted to think
and he thought he’d think better, if he had something to drink.
now, the thing about frank, is he drinks like a trout
he can keep at it for days and never pass out.

so he ordered club soda but without any bubbles
because with a stomach like his, they cause nothing but troubles.


for christmas one year frank had to head east
it seems that his brother was preparing a feast
he’d invited the family, the friends, and the staff
so frank couldn’t miss it, and I had to laugh
to see him so happy and excited to go
he asked me to come, but I had to say no.

you see I was feeling a need to head down
towards the equator to a quiet little town



xtap (water from the)

the bartender said, “we haven’t got any of that”
frank stayed on his stool in just stared and just sat


the wish

I wish I could just go out walking each day
and have lovely friends with something to say
and sometimes we’d say it and sometimes we wouldn’t
but just for the silence, not ‘cause we couldn’t

we’d walk and we’d play and we’d love and we’d sing
we’d eat what we liked and not hurt a thing
and that’s all that I wish, it might sound like a lot
but if you’ve just got one wish, then that’s all you’ve got.


I wished for peace, and diamonds and pearls
I wished for women and I wished for girls


so if you drop a penny upon the ground
leave it there where it might be found

by someone who will wish for love


all the treasures in all the worlds, you see
can’t make you happy or set you free

I stared at the phone but it didn’t ring

I had wished for myself and me and I

I sat alone in my bed


now every morning, as I close my eyes
she holds me close and sweetly sighs


I asked the weatherman what he thought
the chances were that I’d get caught

in the rain between here and there
he looked at me as if he didn’t care (with a blank stare)

and said that he couldn’t say for sure (say for certain?)
but if I’d like to choose a curtain


he looked at me as if he did not care
and then he said with a blank stare

I met a girl when I was young,
we fell in love and we had a son

and when he grew up, brave and tall
she went to the war one year in the fall

he fought with courage and conviction (?)


I fell in love with a girl from where
it had something to do with the curl of her hair

I said to her, “will you please?”
she answered, “not yet, I’ve lost my keys”

then gave me a look that I’ll never forget (not soon?)