alright, it's sunday morning and I've missed updating for a couple days, not that it matters so much, but I'd like to get this into my routine.

went to sleep shortly after fixing my clock thursday night around midnight, woke up at four and was wide awake and preoccupied trying to figure out the aliza thing___ what I should do about it... not really, I knew there was nothing to do, but I hate unresolved conflict and it was frustrating to have her mad at me and not know how to fix it and to know that there was nothing that I could do except wait and yet want to do something and feel that there must be something to do... anyway that was what was on my mind and I was awake until about seven and then I finally fell into a really deep almost druglike sleep and had strange dreams that I've forgotten now except for the memory that they were strange___ in one I discovered that not only did I have a thick covering of hair on my back and shoulders which I'd never noticed, but also it was turning gray...

I woke up at ten, which is way later than I'm used to sleeping and that kinda got my day started off strangely. I had a pretty productive day though and had arrived at an acceptance (if not an embrasure) of the aliza situation... but still felt a horrible sinking feeling of loss and dread that I'd somehow lost a friendship and was powerless to rebuild it... although I also knew that that is really my own insecurity, fear, hangup speaking and that friendships aren't as fragile as they sometimes seem... nevertheless, knowing that and feeling that are different things. but anyway I was feeling more comfortable and so, less preoccupied.

I took more photos of figure drawings, outside on the street where the sun could shine directly on them___ that made for better lighting, which translated to less reworking later, but the downside was that I had to fight the wind which kept blowing them away before I could snap the shot... it was a little frustrating, but not too bad.

I then spent the rest of the afternoon optimizing them for the web and listening to the audiobook version of dh lawrence's women in love, which I'd downloaded from the library___ I'm really getting into these audiobooks, while I work on the computer, it's fun and I have never gotten around to reading lawrence and it turns out he's really good and thought provoking___ the book is largely dialogue and the conversations are interesting and relevant, despite the book being nearly a century old... the world doesn't change as much as it sometimes seems.

at 5pm (friday still) I went over to the coffeeshop and read for awhile because tim wasn't there, he showed up at about quarter to six, just as I was leaving and gave me some sad and troubling news about a friend of ours, which maybe I'll go into later but not now... but it was the kind of news that is just tragic and hirrific, but of course has the accompanying affect of reminding us to appreciate life and its beauty and our friends. the whole day of friday was one that was sort of about acceptance, love, appreciation___ not bad at all, despite the struggles... or maybe because of them (ian might suggest).