well, I don't know what to say about hector. it's heartbreaking to think about somebody I care about having suffered while I didn't know... I don't know what any of us could have done... clearly there were people around hector who loved and cared about him and nevertheless were unable to help him overcome his demons... I don't know... it is just horribly tragic... there is nothing good about an untimely death. there are bright sides always, but brightsides are relative and do not make a curtained room sunny.

I had similar feelings of, "I wish I had known" when mark called to tell me his news last week... I guess I can at least be glad that, although mark's had a rough year, the results are not as tragic as they have become with hector.

I appreciate my friends and my good fortune and my peace of mind. and speaking of which, things seem pretty much back to normal with aliza. I'm very glad, last week was no fun. she showed up to the coffeeshop this afternoon and then I went with her back to her place for dinner. it was a nice evening and I felt close to her and comfortable with her and appreciative of her friendship. she seemed more relaxed than she had all this past week and it felt good to be with her.

I took more photos of figure drawings today, I'll try to get them webready tomorrow. I already know that I'm not going drawing tomorrow because tim's got dinner plans and I still can't carry my big drawing board on my bike. that'll give me all this week to catch up. I've got lots of other stuff to work on with the website anyway and I oughtta try to finish up the eve paintings anyway.

I went to breakfast with susan this morning. she had a good time at her greeen yoga conference. sounds like it was a good experience and a fun adventure. I really value my friendship with her and the conversations we have... I'm very lucky and it's not just because of hector that I'm counting my blessings and appreciating my friends... but maybe it is... or at least it's him that's reminding me to.

I remember hector and pesha walking into the HOT carrying their stainless steel to go coffee mugs, I remember thinking, "wow, look how cool they are!" he seemed so happy back then.

I was probably at the HOT with susan when he died today.

I went to the beach and went swimming for the first time in over a week. I keep psyching myself out, thinking that it's too cold to go, when really it's just my apartment and patio that are cool, the rest of venice really still heats up during the day... it'll be fall in a couple days though and the weather really does change, although it's more noticeable because of the light and the length of day and the smell, but there is definitely an autumnal feel to venice when the season turns. I think I'll still be able to swim for awhile though.

I made hector a saint a few years ago from a photo I took at the 2001 moby dick reading. I emailed it to him, but never got around to posting it on the website until just now.