yesterday kinda got away from me. didn't get much done as far as painting and the website goes. I had decided over the weekend that maybe this was the right week to try out my non-speaking idea. I've been thinking about spending a week not speaking for quite awhile. the idea occurred to me sometime last year I think, but it seemed too awkward to implement while I was teaching. so, it's been on my mind more and more since I stopped working, but I kept putting it off because of various obstacles. finally I realized that it's never particularly convenient to stop talking and I just needed to do it.

all signs seemed to point to beginning my week of non-speaking (which I've dubbed "no speak week" - kinda catchy, huh?) on the third of october. I like the thirds of months, because my birthday is july third, so yesterday was my 42¼ birthday. it was also the beginning of rosh hashanah and a new moon. so sunset yesterday (6:35pm PDT) seemed like the time to start.

So, first thing after the coffeeshop yesterday morning, I designed the card above, which offers this explanation on the back:

I figured that would get me out of most awkward situations, but it's nevertheless a bit difficult to get by without speaking. The real surprise was how resistant my friends were to the idea. I really hadn't anticipated the reaction I got from susan, michelle and aliza. Only tim was enthusiastically and immediately supportive. susan and michelle came around eventually and aliza will, I'm sure eventually accept it... I guess the thing is that they don't really understand why I'm doing this and I suppose that's evidence that I haven't done a good enough job of explaining it. In my mind this is a way of breaking out of ordinary communication patterns and draw some sort of focus onto the things that we say. my intention is not to stop communicating; my intention is to practice communicating differently. and I hope, through the process develop better communication skills. naively, I assumed everybody would understand this immediately and be enthusiastic about actively taking part in this and enjoy the opportunity to carry the conversation. I wasn't so right about that.

after initial reluctance though, susan made plans with me to have breakfast tomorrow, she's busy today. and michelle had me over to dinner last night and after a bit of practice it seemed to go pretty well. it all just takes getting used to. I find myself smiling a lot. I also have noticed that I feel much more emotional and vulnerable. I feel a sense of isolation and as if I'm removed from my surroundings... more conscious of being an observer as opposed to a participant. nevertheless I can take part and with the help of a little notebook which tim gave me, I can write responses, which I think is a good way of focusing and intensifying comments___ because of course writing things down requires greater effort and concentration than simply speaking.

the weather's good, went to the beach yesterday and will go again today. it'll be interesting to see how this week goes. it might turn into a long one, but even that will be good, I want to practice slowing time down... this might be a good method for doing that... I do feel very present.