I feel more sad than I ought to. I ought not to feel sad at all. It might be as simple as the time of year, the short days... sunset was 4:44 yesterday afternoon. It might simply be that I'm lingeringly hungover... or maybe lingeringly embarrassed by the extreme drunkeness that led to the aforementioned hangover. It might be that I've grown accustomed to the security and direction of having a normal job, and that now that I'm working exclusively on my own projects, I'm feeling ungrounded. It might be that when I was teaching I would go to school everyday and receive the heartwarming and sincere love of children, given freely as only a child can give... and now I spend my days pretty much alone. It might be that I'm lonely. I like summer better, even though I do live in southern california. summer is way better than fall.

so yesterday I spent the day with aliza. she called first thing in the morning, I went over, stopped at stroh's on the way and bought us coffees, hers was lots of half & half and cinnamon sprinkles, mine was half & half (even though I usually go for the whole milk instead) and three raw sugar packets. we hung out, read the paper, I helped her set up a "my yahoo" portal page, chris stopped over and hung out with us while he fixed her heater. in the afternoon we went to a memorial for her neighbor, michael. I had met him once or twice but didn't really know him, but I knew a lot of people who were there. it was a nice event, he was well liked and clearly his absence is being felt. after that we went to an art opening, and I drank way too much. don't really know how that happened but it did. luckily I had the presence of mind to bail early, I didn't really understand how drunk I was until I got home, but according to aliza it was clear to everybody else... so much for that secret. I don't think I'm very good at concealing my drunkeness from anybody, except maybe myself. I'm gonna have to pay more attention to how much I drink though; I didn't enjoy the hangover.

went to kit's birthday party tonight. it was fun. I didn't know any of the people except kit and yumiko, so it was interesting to meet new people. boy, there are a lot of people... and they all do stuff and have lives and friends and families and dreams... every one of 'em.