it's good to be 42. I don't often feel my age, I think that's partly due to the forties not being what they used to be. "the forties are the new thirties," I've heard said, and there might be something to that. genXers are turning forty and as we all know, the slacker generation are late bloomers... always overshadowed by the baby boomers. I'm (and always have been) pretty much ok with that. there's no hurry.

I recall a sense of urgency from my twenties though. in my twenties, I couldn't imagine long life, everything was so fast and so new, it couldn't last and I felt sure it would end in a fiery crash. I felt that whatever I was going to accomplish in life, I had to do quickly because time was running out. when it didn't... I was as surprised as anyone and I think I spent my thirties trying to make sense of it all.

I've noticed a sense of urgency in some of my older friends. old age, in the sense that death can occur from natural causes, as opposed to dying as the result of violence or physical accident, is a pretty vague area. I mean, anybody who dies in their sixties is generally thought to be too young to have comfortably done so, but may do and some even die of heart attacks or cancer or other ailments in their fifties. so once we enter our sixties, we must realize that there are no assurances that we'll make it through them. man people these days live well into their seventies, eighties and nineties and we, as the first world privileged class seem to be extending our lifespans continually. nevertheless, there's no telling how long our individual bodies can hold out.

but in our forties, we can pretty much ignore that. we've survived long enough to have the security that comes with experience, and yet have not lived so long that our time threatens to run out. it's good to be 42, although I still most often feel 27.

let's see... monday, tuesday and wednesday have slipped by (pretty uneventfully, I think), since my last entry. I've been staying home in the evenings reading sherlock holmes stories. I've been painting and working on the website during the days. I went to figure drawing at the Y on tuesday, but haven't been out much other than that. aliza's back, but I haven't seeen her, just a couple brief phone calls. tim left late last night for ten days in guatemala with robin. michelle's up to the usual, asked me to taco night last night, but I felt like staying home. terrell's coming over today, I think, so we can make some decisions about his website. I photoed some figure drawings yesterday, it's sunny out, so maybe I'll do some more today... oh it's the 1st, I suppose I should pay my rent... probably ought to go up and check on denise's mail too... hmmm, maybe tomorrow.

it's a beautiful day. I think I'll paint for awhile. the pistures, by the way are figure drawings from sometime in october; two tries at the same pose. I kinda like them both.